Heartaches are everywhere

blind + mute = me

So, this is me. My current state. blind + mute = me

While everyone is experiencing the comfort of their day, I’m one of the unfortunate ones who’s been wearing a faint smile the whole day. Why? A matter of question that I choose to answer with a sigh.

Moving on, I wish I was at the banchetto. An event that would make history which I can be part of — but — for some weird reasons, I simply cannot. A tad hope of making my wishes come true via those colorful wishing lanterns being released into the sky.

Am I closing my doors? The moment I broke up with him, there are two things I didn’t do while in the process of healing. And these two things are something I don’t want to do because I find it stressful — that’s thinking & reflecting. There’s a lot of things to think about and I’m selfish like that. But now, I did try to think about the things that happened to me since the day I became single (yesterday. lol). With that, I realized 1 thing:

He is right.

I don’t wanna elaborate further. Indeed, experience teaches us everything. God will never let such things to happen if it’s all for nothing because it’s always served for something. Life is indeed a roller coaster ride and all that you can ask to the Almighty is strength and deep understanding when rough times come along.

“They say every road comes to an end, but sometimes the end feels just like the beginning. You can suddenly find yourself right back where you started, because every journey is fraught with twists and turns…and one false step could spell disaster. But no matter what, you still have to stay the course and forge your own path. Because there’s no going back now. And it looks like this one’s going to be the ride of our lives.”
-Gossip Girl ♥

The thing about falling in love all over again is the challenge behind it of making each new found relationship unique or somewhat different from the latter. Girls are very particular to their firsts — may it be a very important matter or right down petty. You wouldn’t want something to happen that you and your ex already did because it would rather be little less special. And knowing what he did to you is what he exactly did to his exes makes you feel far more plain as a partner. A person who he didn’t try to put extra effort in making each memory unique but instead duplicating it all over again. A memory that you can’t call yours because they’ve done that thing already. Indeed past is past. Something that should be looked at but shouldn’t be brought up. Something that shouldn’t be thought over because what matters is the present. But the thought of it breaks your heart — because what you knew that you can call your own wasn’t really yours to begin with. Because it was a shared memory of his past and not purely your own priceless memory to keep. Same place, same actions, same experience, same-same-same. The only difference is the person he shared it with. Because before it was her, and now it was you.